thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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