just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
