Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
