the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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