Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
