Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
