its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
