he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
