Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
