yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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