Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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