We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
