She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
