I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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