I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
