i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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