I puked a lego.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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