You can't special order awesome
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
