Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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