my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the condom got lost in my hair
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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