ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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