He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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