yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize