Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
