Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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