This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
