Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
