I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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