dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
