so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
