Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have fence marks all over my body
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
