He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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