yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize