Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
