The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
