you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
