Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
