dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
