I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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