kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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