We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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