I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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