Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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