I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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