I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
