After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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