apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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