She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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