Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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