11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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