and she was petting her beer can
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
