yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
