He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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