Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize