I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize