I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
