Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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