Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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