conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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