I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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