Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
