you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
