I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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