I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
