Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pants are for mortals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
