You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
