I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
