in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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